Fragrance

My heart aches with the knowledge that I will soon be leaving this home of mine. The second place I have ever put down roots. The place where both my girls have played and grown for so many years now. Where I have made so many wonderful friends and ever more wonderful memories. How can I bear this ache? It feels as if I am unable to breathe. To find my heart you would need not look further then to the tightness in my chest. I know home is where you make it and the people who I make my home with are coming with me. I know we will make new wonderful memories and I will always be able to cherish these that I have now. In some way it is the place I call home, this house, that is hard to leave. I can walk into any room here and have a thousand memories flood through me. Good, bad and beautiful. To leave such a tangible piece of me behind is a heart stopping thought. It makes me forget to breathe and want to cry at the same time.
But how to face the closing of a chapter in my life? The feeling of needing to cry and smile at the same time. Cry for all that will be but a memory and smile for those same memories that are such beautiful ones. I know the ache will leave but to be in this moment now I find myself wondering how long it will take? Will I ever "get over" this second home of mine? Will my roots to this place draw me back time and again?
I know we have seasons to our lives and the happy part will be the starting of a new chapter to this, but the hard part will be leaving my family behind. Not physical family mind you and I know that to those outside the community in which I live they will never appear to be more than friends, but let me share with you some of the reasons these "friends" are so much more. On the first day of my husband's first deployment I was there with sisters as we watched our hearts fly across the beach out to sea. They held me as I collapsed on the sand and cried with me at the fear, heartache, and pain that this day caused. They cried with me on days when the heartache was more than I could bear, or laughed with me as we discovered our own strength. I was there the day a sister had her first child and her husband was half way around the world, the day a sister needed hugs~and coffee,the phone calls of comfort or dinner time to share with someone who could understand. God put these beautiful Angels in my life for such a time as this. These girls will always be sisters, no matter where we live or what we are doing. Time will always transcend us to the sisters we are, have been and always will be. Through the trials of work not being fair to our men, children in pain, stressed out days where you can hardly think straight- doing good to put one foot in front of the other.
We laughed joyously when our husbands came home, scared and nervous together at the unknown of it. Cried again together as we shared and grew. Husbands came and went with deployments, children grew and more babies joined them. Life has changed the young girls we once were into something more, wiser, stronger, yet soft still. Many have moved and now distance separates us. God in His time has placed more girls in my field,~ through Bible studies, school, neighbors, more women I now call sisters.
The hard part is saying goodbye never knowing when you will see them again. The happy part is the truth to the statement we have all heard from the beginning, "you will make friends for life" As a military wife I now have more sisters than I ever would have believed to be possible. I have sisters in half the states of this country and my home and door will always be open to them. My heart will always be with them. I may not be with them daily but I assure you I am always there with them. Laughing as they laugh and crying as they cry. Raising them up to our Lord time and again for comfort, encouragement, and strength.
I know as I face the future, I do not do it alone. My sisters will always be with me. Time and distance can never change that. Maybe one day soon I will be able to breathe whole again and when that day comes I will let you know. For now I am at peace with it. I know the pain of it now means I am still here. To soak up all the feelings and enjoy each moment of time I have in this place before moving on.
I have a bookmark that I keep in my Bible that says " Bloom where you are planted" it doesn't say anything about taking all your roots with you. I have learned that the flavors of my flowers have changed over time. Every time I bloom near a dear friend I pick up a little of their pollen and it changes me forever. My fragrance in life changes as I bloom and come in contact with these sisters. It comes from living next to them and being surround by them as they bloom with a sweetness that is comforting, familiar and life-changing. To these, my sisters, my angles, my friends, I thank you for this journey we have been on and will continue going down, throughout our lifetimes. Thank you for helping me live when I didn't think I could, for crying with me and loving me. I love each one of you. I am forever grateful for all your different flavors that have changed me so. With love to~ Laurie, Kim G, Carrie, Amy, Kris, Bianca, Lauren, JoDee, Sara, Rebekah ( my Bekah Mae), Kim V., Martha, Dixie, and to the many more that have changed me in some way. I thank you.
Your sister always, Connie