Quick Update

Yes this will be really short as I am starting this at 12:35 am on a tue morning. Yes I am supposed to be sleeping but I have been putting this off for quite a while.
News.- Baby is getting bigger, Baby is definitely a girl. I am now 28 weeks pregnant and have started my third trimester for the third time (and kinda hoping last) I know sounds rash but...... we are in the process of adding four beautiful girls to our family. Yes I said FOUR. ages 8, 7, 3 and 1. All sisters, all beautiful girls who by the flaws of our own human nature are in need of a family. I cannot begin to get into the emotional ups and downs the past few months have been. We feel very.. not called really but placed front and center in this and it kinda felt like God was saying "this is here and what are YOU going to do?" Well when you know God places you on the train tracks for something big you don't just walk away and at this point, and I am sure for the next several years, it will be a day to day trusting Him to walk each step with us. There is no way Chris or I could do this alone but we can together with Christ and amazingly we have our families support. Even family I thought would be overcautious, not really overjoyed have been wonderfully surprising us with their own enthusiasm. That my friends is a sign from God. When you pray that if this is not His will, He close the doors and even windows and then find time and time again all are wide open. And with friends and families saying "yes you can do this, how can we help??" Yes that is a good sign.
I have been wanting to write about this for a while. Wanting to try and type out my feeling but to be honest they have been so all over the place it is probably better I didn't. Not sure if it was the emotional roller coaster or the pregnancy hormones- maybe both.
Some of my initial fears concerned our girls Mic and Sam. Was this going to hurt them?, How was it going to change the relationship they have now?, Would they still feel loved with that many kiddos running around?
Some fears were mine, Would I be able to love them like our daughters now?, How will it work with that many kids? Can I be a good mom to all of that many? Can I still be a good wife?, how will it change Chris and my relationship?, what kind of car will I have to drive? (Silly I know but still a concern) Can we afford to send them to a good school like Mic is in now? Do we have enough years to make a good impact on the oldest one? Can we show her Christ and her be receptive? Will they love us? Will they want to be part of our family?
So - some of the answers I have now and others I will let you know as I find them out.
girls- yes there is a little something to mourn when relationships change, I know I did when it was coming time to have Samantha and knew Mackenzie's and mine would forever be changed. Yes it was for the better, but still the change can be hard. So the end of the family of four (already coming to an end early in May when this baby arrives) but adding sisters and daughters to our household, not something to mourn, something we are all excited about.
Car....- well more like 9 passenger conversion van. HUGE! Yes gone are the days I drive something cute. How horrible and shallow is that? I know it is silly but really I must confess I had to deal with and get rid of the notion my identity was tied to the vehicle I drove. I refused to be a minivan mom, I was an SUV mom! Yep....... Skipped the mini- went straight to the Full size van and then some mom. And you know what? I feel blessed to have something that can hold us all.- Oh and Samantha loves the "Christmas lights". On the inside there are little LED lights in and around the ceiling- she loves them and asks for the "qwis-mis wights" to be turned on. Budget we have worked out and it will be tight (nice way to put it) but God has blessed us and this IS something we can do. Chris and I believe that you (we) are responsible to Him for the "talents" (think money, or gifts) God gives us. He has enabled us to make room and afford to build a family with these beautiful daughters of HIS.
Space will be tight but we can make it work. We had the chance to have them all over last Sat. and it was so nice having them all in our home. As for them wanting to be with us, Both the older girls are excited to be part of our family. PRAISE the LORD!! They are excited to be able to live in the same home as their little sisters ( currently split older two far from younger two).
Please pray for the transition to our home. We should have them the end of this month (Feb) living with us. The older two I know are excited and can understand what is going on. The younger two are with a wonderful foster family, who shower them with love and really it is all they can remember one being 3 and the other 1 and having been with them for a full year now, that is really all of their life, and this time will be very hard on the little ones. Also please pray for the foster family. I cannot even allow my mind to focus on the reality of what they are and will be going through with these beautiful babies leaving them. I know they are excited they will be with their sisters again and with a family that will love them but still they will mourn their loss. Pray that God gives them special grace and continues to fill them. What they are able to do for kids in need is a beautiful thing and time and again they suffer the loss having to let go after pouring themselves into "their kids". Only God can fill you in a way that allows you to keep giving and I know they are blessed by Him to do this. Just please pray for all of this. That we have God's wisdom in decisions we will make, that we have His love pour out of us to the girls, that we can balance all of their needs , that we are a family that glorifies Him.
So in the end- not so short but really still so much to tell. The bunk beds arrive on Fri and Hopefully the toddler beds the following week. Know how Dori in "Finding Nemo" sings "keep swimming, just keep swimming"? That is my song this week, Some days it is swimming to keep my head above and others it is loud and clear "keep praying, just keep praying". Blessing my dear friends. ~Connie